Did Not Expect That
Hello, journal, me again. I’ve decided that the best way to keep my sanity on this crazy planet is to write down all the weirdness. Let me tell you, I can not WAIT for the other humans to get here. This place is nuts.
Update for today. The trash cans purr. I was taking out the kitchen trash, in a plastic bag, normal as anything, and as I got closer to the bins I heard a sort of rumbling. Nothing in sight. Walk closer. Getting louder. I figure it’s a cat or some other stray whatsit hunkered down nearby. I open the lid.
Annnd the trash can is a mouth. An open mouth, waiting for food. I’m afraid I made a rather undignified squeak, but I didn’t drop the bag. I took deep breaths as my heart rate slowed back to normal, then I carefully placed the trash bag into that bottomless maw. And yes, there were many teeth, and they looked very sharp. I barely avoided ripping the bag on them.
When I let go, the teeth closed and the lid flipped up to cover them. I stepped back, wide-eyed, listening to the chewing and the purring that came from that can. But it didn’t burp, which would have been too much. It just seemed to settle down happily when it was done, purring louder.
I shut my mouth, walked back inside, and found my roommate watching through the window.
“Garbage dragon,” he said with a grin as I walked inside. “Not like Earth, I take it?”
“No. Not in the slightest.” I ran a hand through my hair, then looked at it to make sure it was clean. “Garbage dragon?” I repeated. “How is that a dragon?”
“Well, it isn’t really,” the pointy-eared bastard said. “Genetically engineered matter-condensers. We just call them that.”
“Of course you do,” I muttered. I headed for the sink to wash my hands. “Do they always purr like that?”
“Oh yes, that’s one of the unnegotiable clauses for inanimate lifeforms,” he told me. “They have to be happy, otherwise it’s cruel. And nobody’s happier than a garbage dragon, especially on trash day!”
I shook my head.
This place is going to take some getting used to.